Just A Reminder

June 21st. The first day of summer. More of a day of reflection as I go to Emittsburg to visit the National Shrine Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes with my mom and family friends. Not much of a morning person so I was delighted to take a nap in the back of a minivan during the 90 minute car ride instead of driving there. But during church and during the day I was reminded by my mom of the significance of this day. Not only was it Fathers' Day but also the death anniversary of my dad. How suiting to have Fathers' Day and my dad's death fall on the same day. I was constantly reminded at different times during our "pilgrimage" that my dad was there with us today. From having the driver and navigator calm while having a driver cut us off and steals our parking spot (my dad was always calm and didn't really lose his cool even when there were times he should have) but then randomly get 4 open spots as soon as the other car got ours to my mom smelling him in church and during mass, I was constantly reminded of this day and its significance.

While I honestly forgot how many years he's been gone me and my mom handle his death differently. My mom sees him in her dreams and feels his presence when she needs him the most I don't get the same effect. When my mom is freezing at home, I barely feel a breeze. At the times when I miss him the most and want to hear his voice or presence I hear nothing and dream nothing. But now I feel as though I don't need it.

Because I am his son. I think like him. I talk like him. I say corny jokes that I would see my dad saying. In pictures I see myself doing the same things my dad did. I have both my parents determination and drive to do things few people do. I have his savvy mind to think outside the box with his "work smart, not hard" mentality. So like I said, I don't need to feel or see him, because he's in me.

I can easily blame him for everything that's gone wrong in my life. Most of the problems me and my mom go through is because of him. But that would be easy to say. The truth is that while the problems that we've faced were difficult, its behind us now and it only made us stronger.




His passing away showed me that life is short and made me think of what I really want and to start getting it. So during the day today I was meditating, talking to god, talking to my dad, whatever you want to call it but I asked for help to answer this question to myself: What do I want? What will make my life content? What will help me drive my dreams? What will make me have no regrets when I die?


Throughout the day I came up with these 3 things that I want to have in my life at all times.

- To have and give love
- To feel joy and happiness
- To have Success

If I have these 3 things when I die, my life would have been worth it.


Why Love?

Because I can't live without it. To mean and say the words "I Love You" is the most powerful phrase in the world. And to have love means your needed. It means that its okay to be yourself and mess up, because you have support. Also, while feeling love is good, giving genuine love is just as nice. To be able to share the same support and necessity to someone else is worth the risk of saying it. To have that sense of necessity and support is what will make me do extraordinary things.


Why Joy and Happiness?

There are too many people who aren't happy in the world. They hate their life because of their situation. I'm at a point where I feel that I am in control of my happiness. Also being in a state of joy and happiness feels good and who am I to say reject that feeling.

While my life's far from perfect, I still have my day-to-day drama like everyone else. But at the end of the day I'm still happy.

Who wouldn't when your a guy who has everything he needs and in the process of getting everything he wants, has family and friends he loves, and has dreams he can't wait to live out. I'm jealous that this is my life and wouldn't trade it for anything.

When I realize this I just can't help but smile and that's all I need. Whatever I get after that is just a pleasant and thankful surprise.


Why Success?

Because of my ambition, determination, and dream. A measure of a man has always been his successes. When all is said and done, I want to have succeeded.



Now Why Write All of This?

To give myself a reminder of how I thought of life at 21. Just graduated college, facing a recession and having to look for a new job in a few weeks while feeling the effects of useless drama and the significance of this day. But also having a sense of endless optimism, willingness to learn, and an earnest thankfulness for his life so far while thinking of donating part of his savings to Kiva, an online organization that lets you give money to entrepreneurs in developing countries.